The Hidden Wisdom of Loneliness

What happens when we turn our expectations from others towards ourselves, instead? What happens when we find purpose & joy? (April 12th 2026)

I recently found myself talking with several people about the feeling of loneliness, and before you switch off, let me tell you that there is a TWIST to the story, so please bear with me.

The people were all saying the same thing, that they were feeling lonely because they didn't have that special someone, or a group of someones they felt they could belong to. The keyword here is BELONG.

I went to the dictionary and checked how they defined loneliness, and they said (and I quote) 'sadness because one has no friends or company'. The keyword here is SADNESS.

I disagree.

I agree that you can feel lonely in a relationship, or lonely with or without a group of people around you, but to me, loneliness is really not about looking externally for something or someone to make you feel something, but about an internal feeling of 'purpose'. I put 'purpose' in inverted commas, because it doesn't have to be the big ol' 'purpose of life' we tend to think of, but really, the sense that you are connected to something bigger than just yourself (and definitely bigger than your ego).

To me, the feeling of loneliness is the feeling that something is missing from your life, but that this something is YOURS to find or create. From the inside. In the same way we can't expect other people to make us happy, we can't expect other people to make us feel less lonely. Both of these have to come from us - how we feel, what we allow, what we block...

The purpose I am talking about comes from alignment, or in other words, when we do what we know is right for us. For some, this will be about making a positive impact in the world (or community, family, neighbourhood - it doesn't have to be the BIG world), like volunteering or doing something that may be considered as 'giving back'. For others, it might be building a model village out of matches. It's whatever you have that makes you jump out of bed in the morning and makes your heart get all excited when you think about it or talk about it.

When we find our thing on the inside, the outside world stops being the place where we seek validation or feelings, because we have already given these to ourselves. What we do want from the outside world is the feeling of belonging without attachments. Without feeling less than if we don't get what we need from other people.

When we have attachments to how other people should behave, or how they should see us, include us, and make us feel happy or that we belong, we also have to feel unhappy or sad when these other people fail our expectations. When we join the outside world from a place of joy (not attachment), we get to see and enjoy things and people for who and how they are, without making it all about us, and whether we had our needs met or not.

Social needs are important, feeling you belong is important, but making these external things be what defines your happiness is a sure path to all the negative feelings there are:
- disappointments
- not feeling loved/appreciated/seen
- feeling like you're all alone/lonely
- being driven to people-please
- not being your authentic self

But when you find your thing, the thing that fills you with joy and purpose, you already have what you need in your core, meaning everything else is a bonus...

What do you think? Have you found your thing? Has it changed as you matured, or is it the same thing as always? Do you feel lonely sometimes? How do you 'come out' of it? Do you go all out or all in? :)

This week in Healing Conversations

This week, I had the pleasure of chatting withCaroline Carey about the power of Acceptance and how it can bring you back to your own true self

In today’s episode, Caroline Carey, a creative guide, writer, and practitioner grounded in shamanic and animistic traditions, who has spent over 30 years helping others explore the depths of their personal stories. We discuss the art of acceptance, the transformative potential of creativity, and how making friends with our own ‘stories’, whether overthinking, shame, or old narratives, can lead to greater authenticity and fulfilment.

Throughout this conversation, we delve into the roles of curiosity and self-alignment, revisiting early experiences and unearthing the meaning in life’s wounds as well as aspirations. Caroline shares insights from her new book “The Neurodivergent Soul,” and reflects on her personal path through neurodivergence, creative expression, and the ongoing quest to live in gentle harmony with one’s story.

Whether you’re seeking guidance on overcoming self-judgement, ways to reconnect with your creativity, or simply curious about the intersections of spirituality, healing, and our unique identities, this episode offers a rich, nurturing exploration of what it means to live wholeheartedly.

More about Caroline:
For over 30 years, I’ve walked with others on journeys inward, into the heart of their own stories. I help people in the second half of life move beyond feeling stuck or unfulfilled, gently uncovering the wisdom that has always been theirs. Together we enter the quiet spaces of the soul, explore the patterns of the mind, and awaken the body’s innate knowing.

I bring tools of my own creation, intuitive guidance, mindfulness practices, and shamanic traditions, including the living wisdom of Animism. I hold a safe, creative space where body, heart, mind, and soul can thrive. Here, the ordinary becomes extraordinary, and the whispers of your own story reveal the unique purpose you were born to live.

Social links:
1) https://www.middleearthmedicine.com
2) https://www.instagram.com/carolinecarey__/
3) https://www.facebook.com/caroline.carey
4) https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolinecarey/

Next week in Healing Conversations

Next week, I'll be chatting with Dr Stanley Andrisse about 'Prison Cells to PhD'; his journey of transformation from serving 10 years in prison to now holding a PhD, an associate professor at Howard University, and also the co-founder of a non-profit helping other people with similar pasts pursue a different path moving forward.

You might also be interested in...

Many people I speak with (myself included) talk about writing their book/s and do not necessarily know where to start.
Caroline Carey, my podcast guest this week, is running this 12-week program helping you write your memoir. (unaffiliated) Link is here: https://middleearthmedicine.com/unearth-your-story-craft-your-memoir/

Dottie's Corner

Here is me doing 4 of my most favourite things (ok, you can only see two here)... In no particular order:
1. eating grass (not seen)
2. chewing sticks
3. being outside
4. (also not seen) - being with my HUUMMANS and getting them to do some of these activities with me.
Disclaimer: they are yet to agree to chewing either grass or sticks, but I already noticed they are not very adept at finding good, solid, chewable sticks...

I work extensively with people to help them transform their lives from fears, limitations and compromises, to harmony, alignment and joy, or in other words, helping people find natural healing to mind, body and soul.

To chat about your own situation and how my methods can help, please book a chat using the link: https://calendly.com/einav-4/coaching-discovery-call

einav x