The Skeletons in Your Closet

Can you let go of old habits and behavioural patterns you've been trying to shift your whole life?

One question that keeps coming up in conversations is - how do you stop letting old habits or behaviour patterns repeat themselves, even years and years after you first realised they don't serve you, and might actually hinder the life you want for yourself.
How do you let that old past stay in the past while you carve the life and behaviour you really want?

One example that often comes up is people pleasing. Of course, you already know what this is - when you do something for someone else that was not asked for, but which you do anyway, and which costs you time, effort and sometimes money that you don't have, and then makes you resent yourself for doing it, when no appreciation comes back from the person being pleased.

Or the need for permissions and external approvals, even when you've long passed the age you should care about such things.

Or the inability to let yourself be vulnerable, even when you keep telling yourself you are safe and that showing parts of your authentic self will do wonders for the people you wish to connect with...

(and there are, of course, a million more of these examples).

One theory I have is that we know the problem and aware of all the ways in which it manifests itself, but we also know that if we start changing or messing about with the construction on which our lives is based, we can't be certain we'll know how to put it back together again. Not for the better, but maybe, for the worse...

So we stay with it. We teach ourselves to say things like, 'it's the people pleaser in me... oh well...'. And we don't like it, but still we do it.

Then we'll say - 'why do I keep doing this?' and the answer will come up again, like it had so many times before, and remind you that you really can't solve a problem with the same head that created it', and if you knew how to do it, you would have done it a very, very long time ago.

So, why skeletons?
Mainly because these things keep on jumping at you when you open the door to your closet, smacking you in the face, reminding you haven't actually dealt with them yet. Just stuffed them away and hoped you had truly changed since the last episode.

The truth is, we can change and we can let go of the things that no longer serve us. For this to happen we need just a few points of awareness:

1. Awareness is the name of the game
Now that you're aware of this situation, you can find out what you want instead. It really can be this simple - replacing what you have with what you want, the trick will probably be not overthinking it...

2. Feel the fear and do it anyway
When you decide to change or let go of the skeletons, your negative voice and the fear with it, will start telling you why you shouldn't. They will tell you it's not worth it and that you're going to lose all your friends and everything you so carefully constructed throughout your life... Forgetting to mention this is the exact thing you are now trying to get away from, and losing some toxic people from your life is not necessarily a bad thing...

3. Plan both your points of actions and points of regression
Ohhh!
The first thing is figuring out when the old behaviour is coming up and who else (if anyone) is involved. At what point are you going into destruction mode and pulling the trigger on your wished-not behaviour? What do you prefer instead? For example, if you found yourself yet again going to sleep at quarter past three when you planned a bedtime of ten, then what you might want instead is to create more conscious contracting with yourself of the steps you might take to achieve this new feat. You plan what you want, plan the steps that will get you there, and you also dream up some things you can do when the new efforts don't go to plan. (because they won't always work straight away, because these things are always about the journey and not just the end result!)

4. Be patient and self-loving
This is really a build up of the previous point because I know what you'll do. You'll start putting in place the new steps, forget about them, get annoyed with yourself, say something unkind and never go back to trying again. So be kind, remember it's a journey and that you're working on reversing habits of full and complete life time, and that things will take some time to change. Be kind!

5. Keeping up appearances (bringing back Mrs Bucket, if you're familiar with this hilarious old British sitcom)
What I actually mean here is - find a way of catching up with the new you. If you've been a self-confessed imposter (syndrome) sufferer all your life and now you are helping yourself to change it, you must also release this from your identity, or it will forever keep coming back to bug you. Visualise yourself in the version you wish for the new you and really see yourself at that new person (or the person with the new behaviour): what will you do as the new you? What will you be saying to yourself? How will you hold yourself? Get into that new you with as much energy and emotions as you can and see yourself transform without effort.

This topic of change is a fascinating and one we have all been close to at one point or another. If you feel you need help with changing or transforming, then you are welcome to get in touch. Coaching or energy healing, or both can help release those stubborn belief systems and help you get the fresh start you truly wish for yourself.

And if you're opting to go through alone, then please believe that you totally can!

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This week in Healing Conversations...

This week, in Healing Conversations, I was chatting with Kirin S about her journey of self-healing and the invention of SERENOA - a natural wonder product that helps regulate hormones and does a whole lot more!
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Welcome to another episode of Healing Conversations, the podcast dedicated to exploring natural healing, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Your host, Einav Avni, is joined today by Kirin S., whose journey is a testament to the power of trusting yourself and returning to nature. In this moving episode, titled “Wounds and Wisdom,” Kirin shares her transformative path through chronic pain, medication dependency, and ultimately, the creation of Serenoa Wonderpill, a natural, plant-based supplement born out of her personal struggle with hair loss and a desire for holistic wellbeing.

Kirin offers an honest look at overcoming years of pain, challenging conventional medical advice, and finding clarity through self-belief and intuition. We delve into the hurdles of stepping away from prescribed norms, the fears and identity shifts that come with profound change, and the empowerment that lies in taking charge of your health. This episode is filled with insights and encouragement for anyone seeking to heal, grow, and rediscover their inner strength. Tune in for an inspiring conversation about the lessons found in our wounds—and the wisdom that carries us forward.

Key Themes:
1. Natural Healing and Self-Discovery
- The podcast is centred on natural healing across physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects.
- Kirin describes her year-and-a-half-long journey of self-discovery, focusing on alternative healing approaches after years of traditional medical intervention.

2. Personal Challenges and Transformation
Kirin details her struggles with significant hair loss, back and spinal problems, and long-term medication use.

3. Creation and Impact of Serenoa Wonderpill
- Driven by her personal experiences, Kirin created Serenoa Wonderpill—a supplement made from three natural ingredients: saw palmetto, rosemary, and pumpkin seed.
- The supplement's efficacy is discussed, with multiple anecdotal results highlighted (e.g., improved hair growth, regulation of menstrual cycles in women with PCOS, better mood and energy, as well as improvements in conditions like Crohn’s and psoriasis).

4. Breaking the Medical “Mould”
- We discuss the challenges, fears, and cultural expectations around stopping medication and questioning medical authority.
- The theme of trusting oneself and listening to inner guidance instead of blindly following conventional medical advice is strongly encouraged.
- Concerns around pharmaceutical solutions, identity tied to illness, and the empowerment found in exploring natural alternatives are explored in-depth.

5. The Role of Fear and Self-Image
- Fear is portrayed as a powerful barrier to change, whether it’s changing one’s health regime or redefining self-identity.
- The conversation addresses the “comfort zone” of illness and medication dependence versus the daunting transition to self-trust and natural healing.

6. Supporting Others and Spreading Awareness
- There’s a strong emphasis on helping others by sharing personal journeys and experiences.
- Kirin’s journey inspires others to reconsider the narratives around health, well-being, and the pharmaceutical industry.

7. Trusting Yourself and Taking Action
- The episode closes with the message to trust oneself, to “take the step” towards what feels right, and not to let fear or negative self-talk hold one back from seeking natural healing and transformation.

More about Kirin:
Kirin is passionate about returning to natural roots, having crafted a simple blend of three plant-based ingredients that made a remarkable difference to her own wellbeing, particularly with hair shedding, in just a few weeks. Surprised by the effectiveness and accessibility of her homemade creation, Kirin wondered why the vast health and beauty market overlooks such straightforward solutions. Inspired by her experience and the results of her own “wee potion,” she continues to champion the power of natural, readily available ingredients for beauty and wellness.

Social Links:
1) www.serenoahealth.com
2) Instagram: @serenoahealth`

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You may also be interested in...

A couple of weeks ago, I joined my friend and colleague, Dr Michelle Greenwell, in a conversation about personal healing and the tools we use to help people get better.
Watch the conversation here: https://youtu.be/PfQhxXTuVFI

Dottie's Tip Of The Week

The lion used to sit next to the old shed before they painted the shed and moved the lion...

I used to like having the lion next to the old shed, because I could really see myself in that old stone figure. We're both majestic. We're both considered the best of our breed...

I used to like sitting by the old lion and feel very grateful that I get to be loved in my everyday life, and that people actually know my name. I make a real difference to people, so maybe, just maybe, I am actually more majestic than he is... ....

Client's best quotes

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If you wish to try this for yourself (coaching, healing, or a combination of both then please get in touch.

I've worked with people to help them heal all sorts of medical conditions - mostly ones the doctors couldn't find drug-free solutions for. Examples?
- Fibromyalgia
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