Upper limit vs self image - what's what?

When you have an annoying day, how do you turn it all around for better & enticing new energies? (March 1st 2026)

Every year, I get a Facebook memory reminder of a post I once liked that said, ' I am constantly torn between 'if you want it, go get it' and 'if it's meant to happen, it will'. I liked it because I often feel the same. More truthfully, I strongly believe that things always happen as they're meant to, and also, that you can help them along because the Universe doesn't (always? ever?) reward no-action...

(Welcome to my world!)

I got reminded of this funny saying, because I was trying to decide if something I was doing was more because of a classic case of comfort-zoning, or maybe it was a common display of limiting beliefs.

What am I talking about?

There is such a thing called 'the upper limit', briefly speaking, this is when you find subconscious reasoning why you shouldn't continue down a path you are finding yourself, mostly for reasons of insecurity or that you are so used to trusting, you simply are not good enough, and hence, finding subconscious ways of sabotaging what you're not comfortable with. (To find out more about this, check out the book 'The Big Leap' by Gay Hendricks.)

When can this come about?
To be honest, anywhere and everywhere: blowing up your relationship because it was going too well for too long (what can this mean?), or continuingly not getting the promotion at work (what will be required from me?), it can be not being able to run more than a fixed number of miles, or lose more than a number of kilos - all depending on how you feel about moving forward, from the brilliant cushioning of the comfort zone and into the hard unfamiliar territory of anything and everything you ever wanted for yourself.

What can this look like?
- create conflict
- procrastinate
- get sick
- make mistakes
- etc

On the other hand, there is also a thing called 'the self-image'. Again, briefly speaking, this is how you see yourself and believe about yourself, meaning you will never do more, or better than this belief. (To find out more about this, check out the book 'Psycho-Cybernetics' by Maxwell Maltz).

How do we use this?
See? It's pretty much the same thing - if I believe that I am an A+ (or a D-) kind of a student, I will always get the expected grades. If I see myself as a healthy (or unhealthy) person, I will always be that. If I believe I am the most (or least) attractive person in the room, I will always show up as that. The point is that whatever I believe about myself is always how I show up and what I achieve, do, say, etc.

I was talking with someone for the first time the other day. This person was about to start their own healing practice. They didn't notice it in their speech, but they were full of fears, doubts and insecurities. They couldn't see what I already knew - that they will never get where they want to be, until they shift how they see themself and start doing things differently. It's not a criticism, just easier to spot as an outsider...

Do you see the problem?

Sometimes, what is holding you back is that you are simply scared of what is coming because you haven't found out yet what it would be like to take that massive step forward towards the life you really want. When you want to lose weight (for example), you might know you no longer want to look and feel the way you do, but you've never been in your ideal weight, and all of a sudden, scary thoughts of the unknown are holding you back. Not only do you not know what you'll do with all the attention you will now get from people, but you haven't figured out yet if you are good enough, or worthy, of all this attention, and maybe, just maybe, you could stay where you are a little longer still...

I think this is why people in the arts who experience overnight success end up with drug and alcohol problems, because they get thrown into that world without the chance to work their way through that. But maybe I'm wrong, of course.

The weight loss example can easily be replaced with starting your own business, going back on the dating scene, or starting any hobby you want to be serious about.

Let's recap. The key differences between these two:
Upper limit:
- defines how much success or happiness you feel is right
- triggers your inner saboteur when things become too good or too close to change
- mostly 'emotions' based

Self-image:
- represents your identity and internal picture of yourself
- shapes your behaviour to match the image
- mostly 'beliefs' based

Now that we understand more about these, the better question is - what can we do to change and move forward in life!

Changing your upper limit:
1. notice when you're sabotaging
2. sit with the positive feelings for longer (= when something good happens, and you want to run, stay...)
3. challenge hidden beliefs about success (= what do I believe will happen if I achieve what I want)
4. go bigger (with moderation). If you always buy £20 shoes, try £25 ones and notice both the fears coming up, but also that the previous limits were not necessarily put in place with current logic.)

Changing your self-image:
1. find opposing proofs (= it's the chance to find safe opportunities to start expanding how you see yourself. For example, speak up in a meeting, start a conversation with a (safe) stranger, etc).
2. change your words (= instead of saying 'I'm too shy', say, 'I am learning to find my voice').
3. visualise your future self. (= what would the new version of me say? do? feel?)
4. change your environment. Your social circle will keep you stuck in how you've always been. If you can't change all of it, find new circles for smaller adventures.

Your self-image sets the ceiling, but your upper limits enforce it. If you don't like your current reality, or if you feel something is holding you back, these are two perfectly important places to start your journey back to yourself!
...

This week in Healing Conversations

This week, I chatted with Graham Skidmore about his journey from burnout to finding his path to authentic happiness (and how you can, too)

In today's session, we welcome Graham Skidmore, who shares his powerful story of leaving behind a high-flying but unfulfilling corporate life in search of genuine happiness and healing. Graham Skidmore describes his journey through burnout, self-discovery, and embracing his authentic self—even after the loss of identity that can come with leaving conventional success behind.

Together, einav avni and Graham Skidmore explore the challenges of surrender, learning to trust oneself, and the role technology and AI can play in supporting individual growth. This episode offers heartfelt insights and practical encouragement for anyone seeking more purpose and well-being in their life. Join us as we move from guilt and trauma to finding magic within.

More about Graham:
Graham Skidmore began his journey by following the traditional rules of success, believing that ticking all the expected boxes would lead to happiness and fulfilment. While navigating the corporate world, however, he soon realised things weren’t going as planned. Despite following accepted practices, Graham found himself struggling internally, questioning his true identity amidst the pressures of work and societal expectations. In a moment of reflection—sat across from the CEO at Starbucks—he recognised that he had become a blend of learnt behaviours and masks, no longer certain of who he truly was. This pivotal experience led him to seek a deeper, more authentic understanding of life, inspiring him to play the ‘game’ in his own way and rediscover happiness on his own terms.

Social links:
1) Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/graham-sk...
2) YouTube video series: / @understandingthescienceofyou
3) website: https://harmonyhealthinstitute.com/
4) Manifesto: https://sathtechnology.com/the-manife...
5) Non-Profit: https://www.engensolutions.com/

Next week in Healing Conversations

Next week, I’m in conversation with Cindy Ball about 'Good Grief', what a grief massage therapist learnt about grief, bereavement, stress, the way these are held in our bodies, and how to release them! This is a Tribe Healing Arts collaboration.

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I work extensively with people to help them transform their lives from fears, limitations and compromises, to harmony, alignment and joy, or in other words, helping people find natural healing to mind, body and soul.

To chat about your own situation and how my methods can help, please book a chat using the link: https://calendly.com/einav-4/coaching-discovery-call

einav x