We need to talk about people pleasing again
einav avni 
What makes us people- please, how to recognise the signs and what to do instead... Read on
It's at least a little funny, how unaware we can be of traits we have, until such a day when someone says something and we see ourselves more clearly than maybe ever before...
A few years ago, I was sitting with a friend when she basically said that people liked me because I was generous.
All fog cleared right there and then, and I was able to view my past behaviour from a light I had never seen before. Yes! Yes, I was generous, but the better, underlying question was - WHY!! (or 'how come' as I am trying to convert you all to asking).
I realised that this overgiving was my own version of people pleasing, and believe me when I tell you, I wasn't at all impressed with this new realisation!
But I was grateful because it meant I could now reconsider this part of me that was oh-so hidden, and find other ways of dealing with the inner need to compensate...
I realised that by making fear-based decisions, I was overgiving, but also, that I never stopped to think about what the other person needed or wanted - I made a decision for them, and acted on that decision. Whether they wanted or needed my generosity is completely irrelevant...
And this is what people-pleasing is all about: it's about finding a gap that we feel we can fill, and because we imagine this would please the other person, we do. But because the other person never asked for this act in the first place, they don't show the appreciation we believe was due.
What happens then? We get filled with resentment, annoyance, and frustration, and then we conclude that we are not good enough, only to try even harder the next time around.
This is what I always tell my clients when they realise they also people-please. I ask them to imagine that in the interaction with another person, they are only responsible for 50% of the interaction. The other person is responsible for the other 50%.
When they come to be with that person, they will have an inner knowing of where this 50% is, and I ask them to consider stopping there. What they will notice is that the other person will now have to fill in the remaining 50%, whereas until now, maybe they were only encouraged to give 20% (after we gave 80%...).
Sometimes we would make a conscious decision to give beyond the 50%, but this won't be a fear-based decision, but one we feel is the right for the time and situation.
What happens when we stop overgiving is that people stop seeing us for our actions and start seeing us for who we are. If they don't want to be with you following this change, then I encourage you all to celebrate yourself for getting rid of a toxin in your life! If they do, they will start filling in their side of the 50% (or a close number) and will be more appreciative of your mutual interaction than ever before.
Try this and let me know what you find. Remember that this is not a test for the other person, and sometimes this will take a little longer to come together than I describe above, but the main thing is to have this in your conscious awareness and notice what you do, when and for what reason...
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Last week in Healing Conversations I shared a little more about the summit, what made me put it together and what are your benefits of watching. Hope you like it :)
On January 21, 2025, the most inspirational, empowering and beneficial online summit on natural cancer healing is coming live. 42 global speakers (final numbers may still change) take to the stage to share their views, approaches, healing stories, and experiences with natural cancer healing.
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The summit is NOT telling people what root to take and whether they should do something they don't want to. This summit is here as a toolbox for you to explore and use as an aid. It's important you know that no one is making healing claims or trying to convince anyone that one method is better than the other
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I hope that you choose to join this fascinating resource that your journey is one of heart connection and exploration, and that you find yourself above all else.
To register: https://www.untangledhealing.com/onli...
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You may also be interested in...
This is a post I wrote yesterday about the evergreen summit I am hosting, starting next week)
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This might not be a popular opinion, but I'm going to say this anyway...
It's time we changed how we look at cancer.
Not because it doesn't exist, but because we've been led to believe that it is:
- incurable
- a disease
- genetic
- that there is only one why for treating it
Having interviewed 44 of the speakers in my up and coming summit on cancer healing, I can tell you this:
- cancer is a symptom
- cancer is a combination of different things and therefore a symptom, not the actual problem
- there are many treatments you can use, including conventional, alternative and a combination of both
- cancer is an indication your immune system is asking for help
- There are things you can do to help heal, such as change in nutrition, reduction in stress and fears, and maybe most importantly, among other important things, to tune into our emotions and connect with our hearts...
Next week, the online summit called 'The Art of Healing Cancer' is going live. 45 incredible speakers have been recorded to share their experience, knowledge and tools, and offer inspiration and empowerment to anyone going through a healing journey - cancer or otherwise.
Each of the 45 speakers brings a unique aspect or approach to help you understand where you are in your journey and gives you ideas of where you might want to go next.
Some of the topics you will hear when you register:
- The formula for healing cancer (medical miracles)
- Visualisation helped me heal my cancer
- Integrated approach to healing cancer
- Say goodbye to fears and welcome alignment (that's my talk!)
- Using medicinal mushrooms as part of cancer care
- chemoECSTASY and how to heal your immune system
And so much more!
When you get the ticket to the summit, you will be sent 9 speakers/talks over 5 days.
At the end of the 5 days, you have access to these talks forever and ever. You decide who to watch, when to watch and who of the speakers you want to connect with, if at all.
Most speakers offer an exclusive gift. Some speakers share a demo of their work, too.
This summit offers new aspects of cancer healing (and healing full stop) and supports you on your journey by providing inspiration and empowerment you may not find anywhere else.
Sign up today. It is truly a fantastic summit: https://www.untangledhealing.com/online-summit
Each day will also be available for FREE on YouTube or Vimeo - details to follow.
Register today for lifetime access
Dottie's Tip Of The Week
 | Sometimes the HUUMANS think I don't understand, but just look at me in this picture... You should know that not only do I understand EVERYTHING, but also, I can look straight into your soul... You can't fool me, even if I show you the little smile I do with my little teeth, I still know everything there is to know about you as a HUMMAN (Brooklyn- 99 reference) What I am trying to say is that you people may think no one sees you, but really, people do. You might just need to give people a chance... |
Best Client's Quote This Week
People sometimes make a decision about what is possible to heal and what isn't way before we even speak!
Here is a quote to help remind you that there are no limits to the healing we can achieve!
I've worked with people to help them heal all sorts of medical conditions - mostly ones the doctors couldn't find drug-free solutions for. Examples?
- Fibromyalgia
- Psoriasis
-Enlarged Prostate
- Cancer
- Colitis
- Chronic headaches /migraines
- Chronic back, neck shoulder pains
- Eczema
- Neuropathy
- IBS
- Sleep problems
- Thyroid problems
- Chronic Fatigue
- Long Covid
- Vertigo
- and so many more
To chat about your own conditions and how my methods can help, please book a chat using the link: https://calendly.com/einav-4/coaching-discovery-call
einav x